Finally tried to sleep earlier as I have 2 quiz to handle. But I just found out that I can't sleep.

Alicia popped by and she was talking to me about Prometheus stuff, about how she has this very strong feeling that she will be offered stage mag instead of her director position. I thought I was over the emo period where I was very affected by the position I was going to hold and some other people were going to hold. And also about my future in hall.

It's really maddening when you have ambitions for yourself but you know that you can never attain them no matter how much hard work you put in. Yes. If any of you remembered, it's the ambition to be Producer or Co-producer of Prometheus in my final year.

I shall be more detailed here. I planned to be stage mag this year and then continue on as producer or co-pro in my final year, but it ends up as I'm secretary this year and I'll probably be nothing in my final year.

Why nothing? Cause, firstly, I heard that if we are going on exchange, we cannot keep our room. Which means that I might not get back Hall7 even if I apply for hall in the 2nd semester. Secondly, I'm not around during the recruitment period in sem1 which means that I can't run for the top 2 positions cause I wouldn't be around to form my committee and to set a direction for the comm. Which Producer would want me? And to think my initial aim was to be Producer. Now I can't even smell Co-pro. And the thought that my Prometheus life ends at being secretary, I really cannot accept it. The challenges that I set for myself, the aims and goals I set, can never be achieved now. Truthfully, I'm really very upset. Upset that cause of I don't know what reasons, I cannot achieve anything this year and end up only being secretary.

One other hidden reason. Out of those from my batch in the previous comm, I would say that the active ones are probably just, Jas, Liksin, Cherryn and I. But I feel that the 3 of them are more sought after than me. Jas and Liksin are going to be Co-pros this year and Cherryn is going to be Director. And me? Secretary. Ha! Does this mean that I really don't have the ability? Or I'm just unlucky? I have nothing nice on my resume. Damn shit.

To add on to this situation of being in the shadows, I'm kinda expected to take over Sing and Strum in sem2 because Jas is going away on exchange. Usually, I'll be more than happy to do it. But come to think of it, 2nd sem is going to be the busiest time for SnS. Cause it's the period when most of the performances come up. So technically, I'll be doing more work than Jas. But to others, who will always be the head? Jas. Will I even get recognised? In terms of in other people's eyes and in terms of points and in terms of CCA records? So I do shit but don't get anything? And Jas goes overseas, does lesser things and get all the credit? I so feel like asking her to get someone else to do it. But that would seem like I'm really petty right?

Last words, tech crew are really being forgotten. They'll never get the chance to shine. Not when they're the tech crew, cause the cast gets all the glory. Not when it's a new year when they want to run for something. Cause, no one sees their hard work.

I HATE THIS!