It's finally when I have a plan of what I want to do in the future. Or at least finally that I've set a target for myself. But life just has to thwart my plans. Call it ambition or goals, I really wanted to run as Producer for Prometheus in my final year, but that has all gone with the wind. Abilities aside, it's because of the Norway trip that I'm so looking forward to that is spoiling it. So what if I can prove that I can do it? I can't!

My aim for myself was to run for stage manager this year. And next year, run for Producer. But neither will come true. Cause my trip is in Sem 1 and so I won't be around during the production itself, so I can't be a stage mag. Then, cause I'll be away, I cannot run for Producer too, cause I won't be around to form my own comm, sit down with my co-pro and set a target for Prometheus. Yada yada yada. Then you might ask. Then why not run for stage mag in my final year? At least can fulfill one part of my aim. Well, all I can say, I wanted to run for Producer in my final year, cause I feel that it's the time where I know the most, and is able to contribute what I know. And I also want to prove to myself that I can lead. The position comes with the year I'm in. It'll be different to run for stage mag in my final year.

Disappointed. Really disappointed. Sometimes I think, if I was leaving in Sem2, then things wouldn't be as bad. Considering if I should still do it this year or not. Most probably doing. But secretary? Really far off from my plans. But maybe this is the best arrangement?

I'm always second-fiddle to others. Maybe I'm really not good enough, no matter how hard I try to prove.

I tried to be positive, then this has to hit me again. It's like finally, one more step and I'll be out of the pit, but someone has to push me back down again. I'm still falling in...