Warning...the following post might be filled with not so positive thoughts, so if you don't want to nag at me, then better not read.Haha. But note, I'm not going back to the depressed mode. I just did some reflection during the week when I was alone in the room.

Thought 1:
Hope you don't mind me naming you, so if you mind just tell me ok? I'll probably remove this part then. Haiz, just found out this week that my beloved friend, Yayun, has just broken up with her boyfriend of 5 years. Went over to her hall on wednesday to accompany her. Can tell that she's really very sad, but she's trying to be strong. I really wanted to tell her that she can cry, if she don't want me to see, I can turn away. But I didn't. Instead, I chose to do stupid things to make her laugh. Quite sad that me, yunz and pingz met up on such a sad note. I'm a person not good with words, so I don't really know what to say to make her feel better. I don't have any experience anyway, so I don't think I can provide her with any useful advice too. Hope she's feeling better and hope I was of help that night. (I still want my hug!) Yunz, give it time to cool down, things will get better! Jiayouz! Just to let you know that no matter how late it is, I'm always available if you need someone to talk to! I'll try to go over and pei ni if you need me over. No physical hug, so lets give you a virtual one. *HUGS*

Thought 2:

Hall is a lonely place. To me, hall is a social ground, so I feel like a loser as I don't really interact with a lot of people. Come on man, I'm cooped up in my room all the time! And I can't even find people to have my meals with! I'm deprived. Think I made a wrong choice by joining Prometheus. I might not be staying next year, so why did I join it?!?! The intensive period will be the period in year 2! And I most probably won't have a room! Haiz, never thought about it. So dumb. And truthfully, I'm not all that excited about Prometheus anyway. Screwed up.

Thought 3:
Exams are coming, but I'm still slacking. I'll flunk my accounting cause I don't know a single thing! Then you'll be asking, "So, why don't you start studying now?" I only have one answer. The lazy bug has hit me so hard that I'm sleeping a lot and slacking a lot too. Its not a reason, so I'm trying to motivate myself now! Jiayou Fiona, you can do it! MUG!!

Thought 4:
This one hit me quite hard. I think I've just lost a very very precious friendship. I don't mean like totally lost like we don't talk to each other anymore, but more like, we don't talk much now. Considering that we used to talk 24-7, it has really hit me quite hard. The reason for the drift? Yes, its stupid me again. Haiz. I was being very emotional at one point, and kind of threw my temper on her, and we stopped talking for a while. Well, we talked about it after that, but things never got back to the way it was like other times when we had quarrels. I kind of regret, cause I threw my temper on something very stupid and very small. So, I think its my fault. We don't talk much now. Occasionally we'll talk about her problem and again, I can't give much advice cause I have no experience! I really missed the times when we would call each other everyday and talk crap. Seriously, I feel very "jealous" that she talks to my roomie more then she talks to me. She told her cravings to eat sushi or Fish n Co to my roomie, but never mentioned anything to me. So now, my roomie becomes our medium. Why did it turn out like that? I remember the times when we would talk to each other on the phone and then start talking crap and even talk about our cravings. Go shopping with her although she's always the one buying and I'm the one following. All these are all gone now. What's left is just this awkward space when we meet or talk. And I know most of my other friends would ask me how is she since they don't see us much. I'm expected to know. Cause we were super close in the past. I'll really get stunned and not know how to answer, so it'll just be a simple line of "Okay lor."

I also remembered trying to tell myself before entering Uni that we'll drift cause we'll be studying different courses and we won't be in the same hall, not even close. Though I already anticipated emptiness when this happened, but I never expected it to be because of a stupid thing that I did and I still can't accept this feeling. It's so real now, I thought I could handle it. But I can't. She's the only person I'm willing to bare my feelings to, but she's gone now. I mean, she'll still listen to me if I call her. But the feeling is different now. We both have to admit it. Maybe to her, I've changed, or I'm not putting effort to patch back this relationship. But I too, can feel the change in her. She has found someone new. And I'm still all alone. Thinking about it, she has moved on, but I'm still stepping on the same spot.

Conclusion:
I'm getting emo now. After typing all these, but worry not, I'll not brood over it. Just needed to pen down these thoughts after some reflection. I'll try to move on, motivate myself and be strong! Life is hard, dakara, HAPPY! Ganbatte!

This post here is dedicated to my very very good friend, Ngian Xin!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

My one and only hormone spreading buddy! The first real friend I made in TJChoir. I'll always remember the times where we worked hand in hand and terrorised Asih (Asih-terrorism) with all our chinese songs and prep talk about how nice the chinese language is, and why Asih should learn chinese. Haha. Those were the days. Our friendship has its fair share of ups and downs and I'm glad that we managed to pull through the tough times together.

You'll always be my favourite buddy to go KBox with. Lets get high with Chen Yi Yi's Shou Ji and our favourite cannon, Shino LIn Xiao Pei's Xin Dong! Of course, all the F.I.R songs which we'll start jumping and screaming at the top of our lungs. Let me continue to be mesmerised by your singing and keep psycho-ing you to join Project Superstar so I can form a fan club for you! :)

Well, I can see that you've found another hormone spreading buddy, so please please remain happy and xin fu ok?! Maybe it is my turn to look for my other hormone spreading buddy already since you already have yours. Haha. Happy Birthday once again and may you be showered with all the love and care you can get from all your loved ones! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Yesterday, my long awaited KTV session! Haven't been to KTV for a very long time. So I was actually looking forward to it. Not only that, I'll be able to meet friends I haven't seen in a long while like ah liu, asih, the guys etc. But sadly, I kinda regretted going. Well, I shouldn't lah, cause they were going to celebrate my gd gd fren, Ngian, birthday. Let me tell you why.

When we first reached there, I could already feel this very strong vibe of being left out. The girls present were only ah liu, asih and lim hui. I felt that they huddled together, and didn't seem very excited to see me (as in I thought they'll be more chummy with me cause I haven't seen them for a long while and I guess they probably see each other quite often). Leaving that there, I couldn't click into their conversation or anything. Things I say were either left unanswered or a one liner reply. So I sing lor. I mean, I'm a super KTV lover. I would love to sing till my jaws becomes sore, but when I sang, I felt weird!! Gosh! Never felt like that during my other KTV sessions! I totally did not enjoy! Even the F.I.R songs that would usually make me, ngian and jas go crazy was like super low and like no one enjoyed it at all.

Finally ngian arrived! It was supposed to be a surprise lah, so her being late was understandable. Quite funny cause we had to dian the Happy Birthday song when she came. Things started to get better when ngian came. Cause she can sing with me and get high with me. But I also knew that though I would love to sing Shan Hu Hai with her (cause I know Jay's part), I should let her bf sing with her, which I did. Let them tian mi tian mi. Haha. But I can tell the other people, the other girls and Kenneth and Timo were getting restless, cause they started talking super loudly and didn't want to sing. Frankly speaking, I was kinda irritated by that. I mean, come on, respect the person singing lah! Of course I don't expect total silence but you guys were talking throughout lah! At some points, they were even louder than the music. Gosh!

Dinner was not much better. Asih left, so it's just ah liu, lim hui, kenneth, timo, ngian, ngian's bf and me. And as usual and as expected, I'm the freaking odd one out again! I remember trying to talk when they were talking about meeting for lunch or about school, and all I got as a reply was, a blank look and " Chey, you NTU one." Hey! Is it my fault that I'm in NTU? Or just that you don't want to have a friend from NTU? I didn't want to eat during during dinner, cause I believe I couldn't finish one by myself or at least if I ate one to myself, I won't be able to try the other food (by the way, we went to The Village, the old Marche). So I decided not to eat anything, even though I totally ate nothing for the whole day (unless you count that one piece of cake and few pieces of titbits). I feel bad cause ngian said she wanted to treat, so I might as well not order. I'll feel bad. But I guess ngian could feel that I was left out or at least she knew I was not right, so she offered to share with me something else after sharing with her bf something. Thanks ngain! Appreciate it!

Was glad when the day came to an end. No offense to anyone, but I was really relieved. I know that ngian enjoyed herself, which is good! I'm happy for her. The happiest thing of the day was probably when I bought my Kim Jeong Hoon CD and the Goong behind the scenes DVD. All I can say, it's the company that matters. Haiz, I'm very disappointed.

Then had to rush back to hall for the FOC main com meeting. Hopefully FOC 07 will be a fun camp, cause I think that this year's committe is made up of great people (no, no, I'm not referring to myself). Now, I'm waiting to see the Prometheus main com people. Lights, Camera, Action!

As promised! The photos that I "kop-ed" with permission. Credits to PS, Sam and Shuyi for the pics! Enjoy!

The lazy bug in me has struck again! Haha. That's why only now am I blogging about Saturday! But anyway, it is one of the greatest Saturdays in my life!

The day started off with me rushing out to meet PS to take the cake from her and keep it in the fridge. One, so that it won't melt. But more importantly, it was supposed to be a surprise! Haha. After keeping the cake, I drove back out to YCK MRT station to meet e4. Boy, wasn't I glad when Shuyi msg-ed me and told me she was going to be late. Cause I would be too! Haha! After picking them up, I proceeded to send them to Sheng Siong for some grocery shopping! We were going to cook our own dinner! Yippee! Grocery shopping is really quite fun, especially at the thought of cooking together with friends and then chilling out together. Cool!

After the grocery shopping, we went back and start to prepare and cook the food. And my gosh, did we prepare a lot of food. Let me name them. We had spaghetti and tomato sause with mushroom and meatballs and sunny-side up eggs, potato and egg salad, nuggets, sweet corn, otah, potato chips and of course, drinks! It might not sound like a lot, but it really is, considering only 4 girls eating and the quantity of food. Haha. As for the photos, I might post it another day as I want to steal from the other e4 members! Haha. They did a great job putting the photos together, so I just as them to allow me to post up their pics here too!

During the dinner, we were watching TV. And guess what we were watching? Shao Nian Te Gong Dui! More affectionately known as SNTGD. Considering that e4 got together because we all loved 5566 and now, none of us are into them anymore, it's quite hilarious that we will sit down together and watch SNTGD. Haha.

After dinner, we were so full so we practically rotted on the couch. Haha. So out came our favourite activity! KTV!! Haha. Yes, we started singing in my house. But I do that all the time, so it's normal! Haha! We had a fun time singing cause of erm, The Tears Of Ash Miss (e4 would know what I mean! Hehe!). But the singing soon stopped when my mum returned home. They were too paiseh to sing anymore. Haha. In a way, that was good, cause we had another round of laughter when we went downstairs to take a walk around the estate. Took many silly photos, and I was laughing so hard that I almost rolled around on the floor! Haha! I should try to get the photos up man. It puts a smile on my face everytime I see them!

After that, we went back up and I felt that it was time for the cake to appear! Haha. I tried so hard to make Sam and Shuyi stay out in the living room or my bedroom, but they keep wanting to tag into the kitchen with me and PS. So the surprise was kinda like a failure. But anyway, we celebrated a belated birthday for Sam and a birthday for Shuyi way in advance. There was the wishing/blowing/cutting cake ceremony and the present-giving ceremony. Quite hilarious. Bought chocolates for them. Hope they like the flavours I chose cause I never ate them before. *cross my fingers*

That sorts of wrapped up the whole day. Glad to have read that they all enjoyed themselves like I did and so much so, the next gathering is my house again for jacuzzi! Haha. Hope to see e4 real soon again. I LOVE you, e4!!

I'm back again! This time with a brand new blog. I've decided that my previous blog was too emotional and depressing, so I've decided to start anew and hopefully, post more often too! To those who had my previous blog address, I think you can forget about that. I think I'm giving up on that. From now on, this will be the official Fiona blog. Haha. I'll be posting about the e4 gathering later (hopefully :P) and maybe even the KTV session too!

As you can see, I'm trying to type in proper english here. Not like in the previous blog. It's easier to read right? And after reading all the other e4 members' blog, I just realised that I'll never be patient enough to make the photos as nice as them and even decorate my blog like them! Haha. I've decided to go simple. A good reason to be lazy huh? Haha.

I'm feeling good. Cause I'm starting anew! :)