Life is unpredictable. So hauntingly true. Especially after Xu Weilun's death. I need to blog about this. Need to get this off my chest.

No one seems to understand why am I feeling this way. Maybe even I don't know the reason.

For those who knows me or have used my computer before, knows that my home page is a chinese page, which is actually PChome. Where I can get news update on the taiwanese entertainment scene. Saturday night. 27th Jan 2007. I was at my home page and the name Xu Weilun caught my eye. Without reading the title of the news. I just clicked in. The content of the news truly shocked me. Xu Weilun in a coma after a serious car accident. I was shocked. Thought it was some joke or probably some publicity stint for her new show or something. But no. It's not. I teared.

Seriously, I cannot say that I'm a fan of hers. But when I first set my eyes on her, I felt that she was really pretty and would pay attention to her news. But I wouldn't like chase all her shows, though I would pay attention to her if I happen to see her shows or something. And a super plus point was that I loved the show she acted with He Junxiang. Express Boy. Because of this, I watched many of her clips on youtube and happened to favourite a few of those.

I was still hoping and praying for a miracle to happen. That she will wake up and let this just be a terrible nightmare. But, life never goes according to what we wish for most of the time. Sunday, 28th Jan 2007. I was back in hall and the first thing I did when I on my laptop was to update myself on her injury status. Whether is she getting better. Little did I expect that all I would read about is the news of her death. All I can say is that I was stunned. I finally understood the feeling of when you heard very bad news, you don't usually start crying immediately. You'll actually go into a state of shock first. Ok, for me, it wasn't shock. It was more of disbelief. For the rest of the night, my mood was low. And I would whine to people and sigh that she died. Of course I would also use the traditional way of not thinking about something. That is to make myself watch my current obsession, Nicholas Tse's videos.

I wasn't in the mood to study. So today, I was a bad girl. I skipped a lecture and a tutorial and slept my day away. And when I went for the last lect, I think my friends could tell that I was not my usual self. When I got back from the lecture, I went on to read about her news again. Reading about her parents crying, her good friends mourning proved too much to handle. I cried today. Not those weeping ones, but tears just uncontrollably rolled down. I really down. And I can't seem to find someone who would understand. I don't dare to watch those videos of her that I favourited on youtube. I knew I would not be able to take it. I was just contemplating whether I should re-watch Express Boy on Saturday before I read the news. Now I wouldn't want to. At least not so soon. I'll cry.

I'm not her fan. But I miss her already. Her smiles especially. My neighbour just walked in and commented that I looked tired. Physically, no. Since I slept my day away. Emotionally, yes. Of course, I wouldn't stop smiling and laughing, but I can't help but think about her. And I would continue to read about her funeral and other news. A young lady, with a bright future ahead of her, gone, in a matter of days. Life is so unpredicatable and fragile. We really need to learn to appreciate whatever we have now. It's never to early to tell your loved one that you love them.

So here's to all my loved ones. I LOVE YOU!