Warning...the following post might be filled with not so positive thoughts, so if you don't want to nag at me, then better not read.Haha. But note, I'm not going back to the depressed mode. I just did some reflection during the week when I was alone in the room.

Thought 1:
Hope you don't mind me naming you, so if you mind just tell me ok? I'll probably remove this part then. Haiz, just found out this week that my beloved friend, Yayun, has just broken up with her boyfriend of 5 years. Went over to her hall on wednesday to accompany her. Can tell that she's really very sad, but she's trying to be strong. I really wanted to tell her that she can cry, if she don't want me to see, I can turn away. But I didn't. Instead, I chose to do stupid things to make her laugh. Quite sad that me, yunz and pingz met up on such a sad note. I'm a person not good with words, so I don't really know what to say to make her feel better. I don't have any experience anyway, so I don't think I can provide her with any useful advice too. Hope she's feeling better and hope I was of help that night. (I still want my hug!) Yunz, give it time to cool down, things will get better! Jiayouz! Just to let you know that no matter how late it is, I'm always available if you need someone to talk to! I'll try to go over and pei ni if you need me over. No physical hug, so lets give you a virtual one. *HUGS*

Thought 2:

Hall is a lonely place. To me, hall is a social ground, so I feel like a loser as I don't really interact with a lot of people. Come on man, I'm cooped up in my room all the time! And I can't even find people to have my meals with! I'm deprived. Think I made a wrong choice by joining Prometheus. I might not be staying next year, so why did I join it?!?! The intensive period will be the period in year 2! And I most probably won't have a room! Haiz, never thought about it. So dumb. And truthfully, I'm not all that excited about Prometheus anyway. Screwed up.

Thought 3:
Exams are coming, but I'm still slacking. I'll flunk my accounting cause I don't know a single thing! Then you'll be asking, "So, why don't you start studying now?" I only have one answer. The lazy bug has hit me so hard that I'm sleeping a lot and slacking a lot too. Its not a reason, so I'm trying to motivate myself now! Jiayou Fiona, you can do it! MUG!!

Thought 4:
This one hit me quite hard. I think I've just lost a very very precious friendship. I don't mean like totally lost like we don't talk to each other anymore, but more like, we don't talk much now. Considering that we used to talk 24-7, it has really hit me quite hard. The reason for the drift? Yes, its stupid me again. Haiz. I was being very emotional at one point, and kind of threw my temper on her, and we stopped talking for a while. Well, we talked about it after that, but things never got back to the way it was like other times when we had quarrels. I kind of regret, cause I threw my temper on something very stupid and very small. So, I think its my fault. We don't talk much now. Occasionally we'll talk about her problem and again, I can't give much advice cause I have no experience! I really missed the times when we would call each other everyday and talk crap. Seriously, I feel very "jealous" that she talks to my roomie more then she talks to me. She told her cravings to eat sushi or Fish n Co to my roomie, but never mentioned anything to me. So now, my roomie becomes our medium. Why did it turn out like that? I remember the times when we would talk to each other on the phone and then start talking crap and even talk about our cravings. Go shopping with her although she's always the one buying and I'm the one following. All these are all gone now. What's left is just this awkward space when we meet or talk. And I know most of my other friends would ask me how is she since they don't see us much. I'm expected to know. Cause we were super close in the past. I'll really get stunned and not know how to answer, so it'll just be a simple line of "Okay lor."

I also remembered trying to tell myself before entering Uni that we'll drift cause we'll be studying different courses and we won't be in the same hall, not even close. Though I already anticipated emptiness when this happened, but I never expected it to be because of a stupid thing that I did and I still can't accept this feeling. It's so real now, I thought I could handle it. But I can't. She's the only person I'm willing to bare my feelings to, but she's gone now. I mean, she'll still listen to me if I call her. But the feeling is different now. We both have to admit it. Maybe to her, I've changed, or I'm not putting effort to patch back this relationship. But I too, can feel the change in her. She has found someone new. And I'm still all alone. Thinking about it, she has moved on, but I'm still stepping on the same spot.

Conclusion:
I'm getting emo now. After typing all these, but worry not, I'll not brood over it. Just needed to pen down these thoughts after some reflection. I'll try to move on, motivate myself and be strong! Life is hard, dakara, HAPPY! Ganbatte!