From the title, you had your warning. Read at your own risk!

Had my first paper today. Didn't think I did as well as I expected, but heck, it's over!

I guess the rain has gotten to me. Made me gloomy. Mood swings and stuff. Seriously, if you're not ready to read immature emo-ness, please turn away now. It's not too late.

Loneliness has started to creep into my life. The whole week in hall, even the freaking weekends! I mean, it was my choice, cause I wanted to study more, but the loneliness is really killing me. I wondered if the number of MSN conversations equate to the number of friends you have. Cause if it does, then I'm one of the saddest person on earth. Bah! I RARELY get someone to initiate a conversation with me. And out of those rare moments, most of them usually is to ask me questions and the conversation just dies there. Makes me wonder if I'm really that uninteresting to talk to? Or no one has anything to share with me? I guess it is this craving of wanting someone to talk to me that has been making me bring down my laptop to the study room and every 5 sec, stare at the screen, click on the messenger icon, check who is online or check if someone is talking to me, sometimes I even yearn so badly for a REPLY! Dang! Of course, this MSN thing has got to do with a Someone. That Someone does account for a portion of this. But I generally see this as a problem. Personally.

Next is the study room. I love the study room gang. I really do. They have been looking out for me, buying food for me, ensuring that I have a space at a table. But for the past few days, I've got this nagging feeling that I can never fit in. And that I'll never be a part of them. I'm never with them on their jokes, never with them on their Hush-hush talks. I'm just a little junior whom they need to look after. But never close enough personally. I'm not implying that it is their fault, but I just can't get this damn bloody nagging feeling off my chest.

So imagine me, sitting in the study room, trying to study, but end up glancing at my laptop, hoping to see some flashing orange light but will never see. And the study room gang is all around me occasionally joking about things I can never understand or can't even hear. Or they will all congregate at one table and start to talk and laugh a bit. Bleah. Double whammy of loneliness.

Oh well, this is just my 2nd weekend in hall. I still need to survive for my 3rd weekend. And I kinda dread that weekend, cause the people I'm so called closer to in the study room gang would have gone home as they would have finished their exams.

Dang it!