It's been a long time since I last blogged. Though it's still the exam period, but I just had this sudden urge to blog.

Many things happened since I last blogged and as usual, my emotions are still on a roller coaster ride, travelling at full speed.

People come and go, even if I don't get to see you very often, it still matters a lot. Cause you are part of my BIG picture, my life, my family. Even though it was a very busy period with many datelines, I knew that I had to attend. It's like I don't want to regret anything later on. I had my regret last year, but that was something that I had no control over. I was told not to come back. And I didn't. But that left a big hole in me. And that hole will never go away.

This next issue has been bothering me for quite a while. I thought that I've gotten over it. I thought I was strong. I thought the worse was over. Nope. It's almost like how Yayun would say. 犯贱. Even though I knew that doing certain things would hurt bad, but I still do it. And I get miserable and tired and then will start feeling like I'm all alone in the world. Who understands? Who cares? I keep a lot of things to myself. Not because I want to. I just can't find someone to share it with. How many nights do I have to cry myself to sleep? How many days do I need to just stare blankly at the computer and pretend that I'm fine, I'm strong and everything is ok? It's not ok. It's not in the past, and it still isn't. I question my worth, I step on my own confidence and I get depressed. Damn you Fiona Yeo!

Recently, I've been getting the thoughts of being used, being toyed with, being someone's ego boosting thing. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm thinking too much, but I know that I'm usually right. I sense vibes well, and so if you really are not like what I said, then all I can say is, but that's how I feel. I know I sound like some anal brat. But it always sucks when I put myself out of my shell for you to retreat back. I'm not fun, not spontaneous, not social and even not a good friend. Then why did you want to prod me out of my shell? When I'm finally out of my shell, I find no one. I really don't want to give up searching, so I try not to go back to my shell. But the weather's been rough these days. I don't even know if I have the energy to crawl back into my shell. Yes, I'm questioning your sincerity.

On a happier note, my dream has finally realised. Jing came to Singapore! Being the idol chaser my whole life, I've never felt so happy, so satisfied and so sad all at one time. Happy and satisfied cause Jing is really one GREAT idol who is really very nice to her fans. Her actions at SHA really touched me and made me very HIGH! Wootz! of course, not forgetting the lunch. I felt like a fool. Sitting beside her made me stiffen up and the only thing I remembered to do was to STARE. I wasn't talking and I wasn't even listening carefully. All I could do, was stare. STARE STARE STARE. Oh well, at least I remembered to shake her hands. Haha! Just like how she was my comfort when I was in Norway, she is still my comfort now. 1 year on.

Lastly, WEDDING BELLS ARE RINGING! Yes yes, my cousin has finally gotten married. I feel so happy for her! :) I've never been very involved in a wedding before, so this was quite an experience for me. Though I'm still not VERY involved, but being a sister has its fun. Coming up with the Mahjong game, helping out whenever I can, running around with the bride, catching the bouquet (Yes, I caught it, so all other sisters, no getting married before me! :p) and of course, my first ever Emcee-ing in Chinese! Haha. I've only Emcee-ed twice in my whole life, once in Primary School for an End of the Year School function and once in Secondary School where I Emcee-ed for a Choir performance in School. But both times were in English! This time, I had to finally keep in my Singaporean Chinese and try and speak as properly as I can. (My chinese ex-tuition teacher was one of the guest in the wedding and I was so afraid she would hang her head in shame for teaching out such a lousy student! HAHA!) Hotel preparation, the bride and groom's wedding suite, wedding rehearsals and eventually the actual thing. Scary really. I wasn't looking at the crowd at all. Just at my script to make sure I don't say anything wrongly. Hoho. It's definitely one joyous day in the midst of my exams. I'm really really very happy for my cousin! Audrey 姐姐！祝你们 白头偕老，永愈爱河， 早生贵子！:)